The way of things

People I never thought would come looking for me at this point are popping up from everywhere. I can't say it's not being pleasant.

Although my head is still elsewhere...Anyway, I'm thankful for all kind words I've been hearing.

Why are these things so painful?

Who am I trying to fool?

These last few days I've been growing feelings hard to explain. I've felt anger, disappointment, sadness and I was well driving into indifference, and then I saw the "Hulk" toninght. And there she was. Of course it wasn't HER, but it reminded me of her. And, being an incorrigible dreamer as I am, I soon began to wander of impossible love, romance, eternal love, of how foolish of me to think I'm ever gonna be able to forget her, of how much I miss her. Her touch, her kiss, her smile, her voice...

But then again, do I miss HER or do I miss someone I've idealized, someone she was never gonna be?

Well, according to an explanation about passion I read today on a magazine we both like, it's most likely I miss her. Out of the 6 billion people on this planet, she's the one who can change my body's temperature just by looking at me.

Too bad it didn't work out.

I'm never gonna believe anything or anyone again as long as I live.

Post scriptum

Of course the father thing never got along, let the records show.

After quite some time...

Of "never talk to me anymore" and "comebacks", well, I didn't even think it'd last this much, now it's finally over. I closed my Orkut account, also. After almost four years, It's the end of a cycle. It seems what other people said and thought of us has always been more important to her than any feeling whatsoever she may have had for me. It's understandable. She needs lots of attention, she cares a lot about others, although she says otherwise. Where this comes from I don't know. Anyway, putting other people's opinions ahead of our own feelings seems to show that the feeling itself was not ever so strong as to resist such tests. It's better this way. Better now than later.

The thing that saddens me most is how much I believed. After quite a while, after having thought I'd never have such feelings for someone, suddenly I caught myself in the middle of a thunderstorm. Foolish of me, I thought I'd be able to handle it. Of course I wasn't.

Now I'm lost. I've been planning my whole life around the possibility of having her with me lately, and that's simply not gonna happen. I wish to see nobody, I wish to talk to nobody. I feel rude and empty.

I really don't know where this is gonna lead me. Life is either pain or boredom, so I've read. Nothing could be truer right now.

Existence has become a burden. A burden I'm not sure I want to carry on with.

Forgive me for my English stupidities, blog.