Now I understand

My love,

Coming to think about it, I've (finally) realized a few things (men mature later and slower than women, pardon me). You're much more than meets the eye. In spite of ALL the pressure, all the problems, all the doubts and fears, you made the correct choices and showed much more common sense than one could expect. Looking back, now I understand how difficult it must have been for you and how little did I help.

I wouldn't love you so much if you weren't just as you are. You've definitely found your way in my heart forever. The least I can do is pray for your happiness. Can't remember anyone who deserves it more.

I'll love you forever,

Sunday Blues

There's work to do, it's due tomorrow. I've just had lunch. Thinking about the upcoming week, I can't help but wish time stood still. There are times when tou get tired of problems, phone calls you don't wan't to answer, people you don't want to talk to, places you don't want to go to. That's the life of an adult, though. You do the things you're supposed to, not the things you wanna do.

It's hard to think after lunch. The blood in my brain is descending to my stomach to help the digestion process. It kinda makes me sleepy. I wonder if a quick nap will help somehow. It probably will, as long as it's QUICK. I can't oversleep. Work.

This is the time when people don't understand a depressive mood. I just wanted someone here by my side to tell me everything's gonna be all right. It's not that I don't KNOW it, it's just the reassurance of that person who's so important to you that when she simply says those words it makes all the difference in the world. Leave the hard work to me. I'm not asking for a replacement, I'm up to it, up to everything.

But that special someone would sure make a difference...

Definitely maybe

Sweety,

I've done all I can. Maybe what I did was not my best. But I what I did was all I could do right now. I do not expect to be understood. I'm more of a troublemaker than a troubleshooter. I never meant to hurt anyone. I know I did, though. Maybe I will never be who people want/expect me to be. Maybe there are things I could do about it. The problem is I never realize it until it seems much too late.

Sorry if I was selfish. It doesn't mean much now, but my intentions were the best. I love you with all my heart and God only knows the extent of my feelings. Maybe all your doubts and fears will never let you see how truly and deeply I am in love with you. Maybe the story we planned to write someday about how difficult it was for us to stay together and how we managed to succeed will never be written after all.

It was all new to me, you know. My experience counted little, there were many times I simply didn't know what to do or to expect. When to speak and when to keep quiet. I'm sorry I was not what you probably expected. I never fit into any pre-designed system, with terms and conditions and dates and stuff. I respect your way of doing things, though. I am the one who couldn't fit into it. Maybe someday I'll fit into something. Maybe someday I'll be part of something.

Let it be said, you're the best girl I've ever met and rationally speaking, I don't think it'll ever happen again. Not like this. Anyway, after the things we've gone through, whatever they were, I didn't know we had nothing. I didn't understand it when you asked: "How can we put an end to something that hasn't even started?" I definitely agree with you that it was probably one of the most confusing starts, but it DID start and we HAD something going on.

Now all there's left are feelings. My feelings subsist. My dreams subsist. I love you.

How much it matters for you I don't know.

Love always,