Do alto, contemplo a cidade.
No terraço do prédio vizinho desponta uma senhora velha e obesa, que já não sustenta mais o próprio corpo apenas com a força de suas pernas e sai do cômodo interno para o espaço aberto, pondo-se a andar com a ajuda de um andador.
O espaço de que ela dispõe é exíguo, um pequeno corredor de uns 4 metros de comprimento por 1,5 de largura. Ela vai, dá de cara com a parede e volta. Vai e volta. Vai e volta.
Também eu vou e volto. Fumo e faço flexões. E leio. E olho para o céu e penso, penso...
Estou cada vez mais intrigado com o número absurdo de vezes em que meu humor muda durante o dia. Assim como me parece absurdo o fato de eu perceber essas mudanças. Da mais autêntica euforia, alegria com a vida, pela vida, a um profundo desengano, descaso com as coisas e com o futuro, desesperança.
Saudades das duas irmãs e, pq não, da mãe delas, tão parecida com a minha.
No momento, sinto-me profundamente sozinho e nada desperta um interesse real. No entanto, muito se deve a minha infeliz incapacidade de fazer o mínimo dos esforços para cultivar relacionamentos.
Seria eu, em algum grau, um maníaco-depressivo?
Não gosto de pensar que sim, mas muita coisa tem direcionado meus pensamentos nesse sentido.
Not a really good gambler
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Sobre algumas coisas
Não apagaram meu orkut, afinal, deve ter sido um bug. No dia seguinte acessei normalmente.
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Estou tomando sol esses dias. Meio contra a minha vontade e com protetor 30, mas até que a
corzinha está ficando legal.
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Como diz o velho deitado, há dias em que a noite é foda. A lembrança dela vem com tudo e fica difícil aguentar o aperto no coração. Delas.
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"Seu isolamento voluntário e seu orgulho o empurram irremediavelmente à derrota. Ninguém parece estar interessado nele. Empreendimentos que dão errado, fracassos em cadeia, ele tem a impressão que seu horizonte escurece um pouco mais a cada dia."
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Estou recuperando o peso perdido. Nada como comida caseira.
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Engraçado, as frases acima foram escritas à tarde, e eu tinha a intenção de terminar o post agora à noite com alguma coisa bem-humorada. Mas meu humor mudou, dei uma caída.
Vai entender
Boa semana pra mim
**********************************************************************************
Estou tomando sol esses dias. Meio contra a minha vontade e com protetor 30, mas até que a
corzinha está ficando legal.
**********************************************************************************
Como diz o velho deitado, há dias em que a noite é foda. A lembrança dela vem com tudo e fica difícil aguentar o aperto no coração. Delas.
**********************************************************************************
"Seu isolamento voluntário e seu orgulho o empurram irremediavelmente à derrota. Ninguém parece estar interessado nele. Empreendimentos que dão errado, fracassos em cadeia, ele tem a impressão que seu horizonte escurece um pouco mais a cada dia."
***********************************************************************************
Estou recuperando o peso perdido. Nada como comida caseira.
***********************************************************************************
Engraçado, as frases acima foram escritas à tarde, e eu tinha a intenção de terminar o post agora à noite com alguma coisa bem-humorada. Mas meu humor mudou, dei uma caída.
Vai entender
Boa semana pra mim
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Living with the enemy - walking "together"
- Let's go for a walk, shall we? I'll be there in no time.
- Ok, I'm going now, I'll be at the dogs yard, meet me there.
15 minutes later... My father and her arrive and signal to me from a distance, so as to have me follow them, SUPPOSEDLY to walk ALONG with them.
I quicken my step so as not to lose sight of them, but I keep a certain distance to watch things over. She walks as much as 20 meters ahead of my father, they (obviously) cannot even talk to each other.
We take eight rounds around the square. Not for a SECOND does she turn her head back to see IF I was with them (since she signaled to me to go along) nor, in the worst case, to see if my 74-old father had dropped DEAD, due to desperately trying to keep up with her pace. Finally, I see no point in jogging like this and I stop at the dogs yard to read some more of my book and to caress dogs that come near me.
So much for a "family".
- Ok, I'm going now, I'll be at the dogs yard, meet me there.
15 minutes later... My father and her arrive and signal to me from a distance, so as to have me follow them, SUPPOSEDLY to walk ALONG with them.
I quicken my step so as not to lose sight of them, but I keep a certain distance to watch things over. She walks as much as 20 meters ahead of my father, they (obviously) cannot even talk to each other.
We take eight rounds around the square. Not for a SECOND does she turn her head back to see IF I was with them (since she signaled to me to go along) nor, in the worst case, to see if my 74-old father had dropped DEAD, due to desperately trying to keep up with her pace. Finally, I see no point in jogging like this and I stop at the dogs yard to read some more of my book and to caress dogs that come near me.
So much for a "family".
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
What's with them?
Psychiatric treatment in Brazil is, with a few exceptions that prove the rule, a joke. There is a variety of freaks attending and worse, with the AUTHORITY to prescribe all sorts of poison at their will. Below are some examples:
- KNOW-IT-ALL: This is the one who will see and diagnose you in 15 minutes. Rude-mannered, he will not answer your questions (if you dare to have any) or, if much, he will answer in a way so as to "put you in your own place". WHO are you to think you deserve to know what is going on with you or what those tons of medications are intended to do? Most of the times this type of psychiatrist is the most expensive, too. Ever heard about his/her trips to Aspen, N.Y. and all sorts of charming places, just when you need him/her most? Well, you pay for them, so do not complain...
- You-are-my-GUINEA PIG: Since he works for institutions, too, he's developed a nasty habit: to TEST, like a mad scientist, what kinds of different things can happen to a patient receiving doses NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE of some mysterious, newly-released medication. Within this category, there are those who SELF-test medications. If it does not KILL them, well, it must be good. Like all bodies will respond the same to all medications. This psychiatrist DOES HAVE a VAGUE idea of what condition you might have. Probably the same YOU guessed on the net.
- Let's-BOMB-UP-THE-MOSQUITO: The saying "Best fragrances come in small bottles" does not apply here. What's the point in starting treatment with small doses, to accostume the body with the new substance it's being forced to accomodate? This type is known for its disregard with saving ammunition when hunting.
- It's ALL-IN-YOUR-HEAD: Of COURSE it is!!!!! BUT I need the right MEDICINE to help me get through it! This type is the one who will sigh when prescribing something to you other than looking at the blue skies and shining stars and the beauty of (everybody else's) life.
There are many other species, but I'll not bore you with those. Suffice to inquire, why is everybody so in doubt about why suicide rates are on a non-stop escalating spree?
- KNOW-IT-ALL: This is the one who will see and diagnose you in 15 minutes. Rude-mannered, he will not answer your questions (if you dare to have any) or, if much, he will answer in a way so as to "put you in your own place". WHO are you to think you deserve to know what is going on with you or what those tons of medications are intended to do? Most of the times this type of psychiatrist is the most expensive, too. Ever heard about his/her trips to Aspen, N.Y. and all sorts of charming places, just when you need him/her most? Well, you pay for them, so do not complain...
- You-are-my-GUINEA PIG: Since he works for institutions, too, he's developed a nasty habit: to TEST, like a mad scientist, what kinds of different things can happen to a patient receiving doses NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE of some mysterious, newly-released medication. Within this category, there are those who SELF-test medications. If it does not KILL them, well, it must be good. Like all bodies will respond the same to all medications. This psychiatrist DOES HAVE a VAGUE idea of what condition you might have. Probably the same YOU guessed on the net.
- Let's-BOMB-UP-THE-MOSQUITO: The saying "Best fragrances come in small bottles" does not apply here. What's the point in starting treatment with small doses, to accostume the body with the new substance it's being forced to accomodate? This type is known for its disregard with saving ammunition when hunting.
- It's ALL-IN-YOUR-HEAD: Of COURSE it is!!!!! BUT I need the right MEDICINE to help me get through it! This type is the one who will sigh when prescribing something to you other than looking at the blue skies and shining stars and the beauty of (everybody else's) life.
There are many other species, but I'll not bore you with those. Suffice to inquire, why is everybody so in doubt about why suicide rates are on a non-stop escalating spree?
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