Of "never talk to me anymore" and "comebacks", well, I didn't even think it'd last this much, now it's finally over. I closed my Orkut account, also. After almost four years, It's the end of a cycle. It seems what other people said and thought of us has always been more important to her than any feeling whatsoever she may have had for me. It's understandable. She needs lots of attention, she cares a lot about others, although she says otherwise. Where this comes from I don't know. Anyway, putting other people's opinions ahead of our own feelings seems to show that the feeling itself was not ever so strong as to resist such tests. It's better this way. Better now than later.
The thing that saddens me most is how much I believed. After quite a while, after having thought I'd never have such feelings for someone, suddenly I caught myself in the middle of a thunderstorm. Foolish of me, I thought I'd be able to handle it. Of course I wasn't.
Now I'm lost. I've been planning my whole life around the possibility of having her with me lately, and that's simply not gonna happen. I wish to see nobody, I wish to talk to nobody. I feel rude and empty.
I really don't know where this is gonna lead me. Life is either pain or boredom, so I've read. Nothing could be truer right now.
Existence has become a burden. A burden I'm not sure I want to carry on with.
Forgive me for my English stupidities, blog.
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